Closeted gay guy
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We probably have an inkling anyway, and we’ve almost certainly got a sense that something isn’t right.
Of course, we still see people who are LGBTQ attacked by the culture at large for, of course, being LGBTQ. It reminds LGBTQ people of their own dark days of being closeted. One commenter on social media wrote, “Some LGBTQ folks have forgotten what it is was like being closeted and all they remember is the huge weight that living authentically releases.” I am surprised by the amount of LGBTQs who are aggressively trying to pressure me to come out of my perceived closet.
If they did, the community reasoned, it would help to change the culture, and so they were angry about the silence. From my standpoint, it’s not about our time, it’s about their time. It’s great that society is likely to be more accepting of who you are now than in the past, but the downside of that, for us, is that many people will find it difficult to hold both realities as valid and important: yours and ours.
I understood the frustration back then and even had some of my own toward them. We may not want to play ‘happy families’ as though this doesn’t matter.
Either way, I think it is unethical and cruel behavior to try to force someone out of the closet or accuse them of being a closeted LGBTQ person without having any idea of who they really are.
Some individuals might be open about their sexuality or gender identity in certain contexts, such as with close friends, but not in others, like within their family or community. We may want answers – many answers – and we will certainly want the freedom to make informed choices about our lives, moving forwards.
5.We may not want to be friends. Perhaps we will, with time.
You possibly have some fairly turbulent, mixed-up emotions going on, and all sorts of thoughts popping into your head, causing you to hold off on saying anything, either due to fear, shame, or not wanting to cause further hurt.
Perhaps you’re thinking something like:
- “I love her too much to hurt her” – The truth is, true love doesn’t withhold secrets.
5. Your emergence from the closet often equates to us being left inside a closet of shame.
2.
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It may also be helpful to join an LGBTQ support group that can offer a sense of community, providing both partners with insights and understanding from others who have faced similar challenges.
It is common to feel rejected when you want to show your relationship to the world and your partner doesn't but coming out is a deeply personal and individualistic process so it is important to communicate your feelings to your partner without expectation that they will out themselves to their family or friends for you for the sake of the relationship.
Queerly Beloved is an expertly curated column dedicated to the world of LGBTQ sex, intimacy and relationships that provides education, insights and actionable tips for the reader to enhance their pleasure journey.
Harassers are haunted by their own insecurities and fears about not being accepted. In the absence of knowing, we are likely blaming ourselves for not being ‘enough’ somehow. It's essential to approach this conflict with an in-depth understanding of the complexities involved so that both of you feel heard, seen and understood.
The concept of the closet is multifaceted.
When Bruce Jenner was quietly beginning to show signs of transitioning to Caitlyn Jenner on Keeping Up with The Kardashians, there were lots of nasty comments. We are at different stages of the timeline of working this mess out, so please give us some grace while we try to catch up.While you are celebrating your newfound authenticity, we are grieving and trying to accept what’s happened.
3.Many people are likely to celebrate you for ‘coming out,’ and that’s great!
The best chance at having a friendship, or a mixed-orientation relationship, or an amicable separation, is by treating us with understanding, empathy, and kindness.
The past cannot be changed, but today’s choices can change the future.
This post is just a small window into the world of the straight spouse who’s trying to come to terms with the discovery that their partner is LGBT.
- If you’re the straight spouse (or a partner of a trans person) and want some support or further information, please reach out for support.
- If you’re the closeted LGBT partner and need some help coming out to your partner, you’re welcome to get in touch, although you may find an LGBTQIA+ service more helpful.