Gay or european lyrics

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The judge’s couplet flexes: with a male judge the rhyme is “gay/Saturday,” with a female judge it turns to “straight/eight.”

Each time someone mispronounces Mr. Right There! Right there!

Look at that tan, well-tended skin

Look at the killer shape he's in

Look at that slightly stubbly chin

Oh please he's gay, totally gay

I'm not about to celebrate

Every trait could indicate

A totally straight expatriate

This guy's not gay, I say not gay

That is the elephant in the room

Well is it relevant to assume

That a man who wears perfume

Is automatically radically fey?

But look at his coiffed and crispy locks

Look at his silk translucent socks

There's the eternal paradox

Look what we're seeing

What are we seeing?

Is he gay?

Of course he's gay

Or European?

Oh...

Gay or European?

It's hard to guarantee

Is he gay or European?

Well, hey don't look at me!

You see they bring their boys up different

In those charming foreign ports

They play peculiar sports

In shiny shirts and tiny shorts

Gay or foreign fella?

The answer could take weeks

They will say things like: Ciao, bella

While they kiss you on both cheeks

Oh, please

Gay or European?

So many shades of gray

Depending on the time of day

The French go either way

Is he gay or European?

Or-

There!

European? Okay.

Elle Woods, Professor Callahan, Emmett Forrest, Brooke Wyndam, Vivienne Kensington, Warner Huntington III, Enid, Judge, Nikos, Carlos and Company - There! I misunderstand, you say boyfriend
I thought you say best friend. The ensemble, terrified of mis-diagnosing sexuality in open court, spirals into comedic over-analysis.

Argitakos, Nikos rolls his eyes — Americans mangling his name yet again.
Filmed Broadway version: Emmett hikes his jacket; Nikos is clearly mesmerized by the view.
That distraction makes Nikos blurt his boyfriend’s name, Carlos, blowing apart any affair claim. We're gay!
Back to: Legally Blonde Musical Lyrics

There!
You say boyfriend.
I thought you say best friend. Right There!
Look at that tan, that tinted skin.
Look at the killer shape he's in.
Look at that slightly stubly chin.
Oh Please he's gay, totally gay.

Calahan:
I'm not about to celebrate.
Every trait could indicate the totally straight expotriate.
This guy's not gay, i say not gay.

All:
That is the elephant in the room.
Well is it relevant to assume
that a man who wears perfume
is automatically matically fay?

Emmett:
But look at his quoft and crispy locks.

Elle:
Look at his silk translucent socks.

Calahan:
There's the eternal paradox.
Look what we're seeing.

Elle:
What are we seeing?

Calahan:
Is he gay?

Elle:
Of course he's gay.

Calahan:
Or European?

All:
ohhhhhh.
Gay or European?
It's hard to guarantee
Is he gay or european?

Warner:
Well, hey don't look at me.

Vivian:
You see they bring their boys up different in those charming foreign ports.
They play peculiar sports.

All:
In shiny shirts and tiny shorts.
Gay or foreign fella?
The answer could take weeks.
They will say things like "ciao bella"
while they kiss you on both cheeks.

Elle:
Oh please.

All:
Gay or European?
So many shades of gray.

Warner:
Depending on the time of day, the French go either way.

All:
Is he gay or European?
or

Eden:
There!

The comedy lightens a murder trial scene but also delivers the pivotal clue (Nikos’s orientation) that cracks the case wide open.
How many vocal parts overlap at the climax?
Seven distinct lines weave together—soprano through baritone—creating a mini-fugue that sounds like controlled chaos until the final unison “Hooray!”.
Has “Gay or European?” become a meme outside the theatre world?
Absolutely.

The rhyme scheme whirls like a drag-show roast, sealing Nikos’s fate with glitter and truth.
Annotations
Look at that tanned, well tended skin.
Society still tags basic hygiene— neat stubble, toned bodies, careful grooming — as “feminine,” and that trait was folded into the gay-male stereotype.

Broadway’s top ten plot twists, fight me.” – TheatreNerd9000
“If my trial prep playlist doesn’t include ‘Gay or European,’ am I even studying?” – BarristerBops
“Still waiting for Eurovision to invite Nikos and Carlos as interval act.” – SparkleJudge
Critics dubbed the number a “show-stopping identity circus.” Variety praised its “vaudevillian wit married to airtight harmony,” while LGBTQ+ audiences embraced the punchline-plus-pride reveal as a rare mainstream wink in 2007.

There!

Lyrics — Legally Blonde

Song Overview

Song Credits

Featured: Amber Efe, Kate Shindle, Laura Bell Bundy, Manuel Herrera, Matthew Risch & the Legally Blonde Ensemble
Producers: Kurt Deutsch & Joel Moss
Composers/Lyricists: Nell Benjamin & Laurence O’Keefe
Release Date: July 17, 2007
Album: Legally Blonde – The Musical (Original Broadway Cast Recording), Track 15
Genre: Broadway Pop / Show Tune
Instruments: Pit orchestra (piano, guitars, reed trio, brass, percussion, strings)
Length: 3 minutes 26 seconds
Label: Sh-K-Boom / Ghostlight
Mood: Zany courtroom cabaret
Language: English
Copyright © 2007 Benjamin & O’Keefe / Ghostlight Records

Song Meaning and Annotations

“There!

Right there!
Look at that tanned, well tended skin
Look at the killer shape he's in
Look at that slightly stubbly chin
Oh, please, he's gay
Totally gay!

[Callahan:]
I'm not about to celebrate
Every trait could indicate
A totally straight expatriate
That guy's not gay
I say not gay

[Callahan, Elle, Warner, Vivienne, Brooke & Enid:]
That is the elephant in the room
Well, is it relevant to assume
That a man who wears perfume
Is automatically, radically fae?

[Emmett:]
But look at his coiffed and crispy locks

[Elle:]
Look at his silk translucent socks

[Callahan:]
There's the eternal paradox
Look what we're seein'

[Vivienne:]
What are we seein'?

[Callahan:]
Is he gay?

[Elle:]
Of course he's gay!

[Callahan:]
Or European?

[Callahan, Elle, Warner, Vivienne, Brooke & Enid:]
Oh...
Gay or European?
It's hard to guarantee
Is he gay or European?

[Warner:]
Well, hey, don't look at me!

[Vivienne:]
You see they bring their boys up different
In those charming foreign ports
They play peculiar sports

[Callahan, Elle, Warner, Vivienne, Brooke & Enid:]
In shiny shirts and tiny shorts
Gay or foreign fella?
The answer could take weeks
They both say things like "Ciao, Bella"
While they kiss you on both cheeks

[Elle:]
Oh, please

[Callahan, Elle, Warner, Vivienne, Brooke & Enid:]
Gay or European?
So many shades of gray

[Warner:]
Depending on the time of day
The French go either way

[Callahan, Elle, Warner, Vivienne, Brooke & Enid:]
Is he gay or European, or?

[Enid:]
There, right there!
Look at that condescending smirk
Seen it on every guy at work
That is a metro, hetero jerk
That guy's not gay, I say, no way

[Callahan, Elle, Warner, Vivienne, Brooke & Enid:]
That is the elephant in the room
Well is it relevant to presume
That a hottie in that costume

[Vivienne:]
Is automatically, radically

[Callahan:]
Ironically, chronically

[Enid:]
Certainly, flirtingly

[Warner:]
Genetically, medically

[Callahan, Elle, Warner, Vivienne, Brooke & Enid:]
Gay, offically gay
Swishily gay, gay, gay, gay...
Damn it!
Gay or European?

[Callahan:]
So stylish and relaxed

[Callahan, Elle, Warner, Vivienne, Brooke & Enid:]
Is he gay or European?

[Callahan:]
I think his chest is waxed

[Vivienne:]
But they bring their boys up different there
It's culturally diverse
It's not a fashion curse

[Callahan, Elle, Warner, Vivienne, Brooke & Enid:]
If he wears a kilt or bears a purse
Gay or just exotic?
I still can't crack the code

[Brooke:]
Yeah, his accent is hypnotic
But his shoes are pointy toed

[Callahan, Elle, Warner, Vivienne, Brooke & Enid:]
Huh
Gay or European?
So many shades of gray

[Judge:]
But if he turns out straight
I'm free at eight on Saturday

[Callahan, Elle, Warner, Vivienne, Brooke & Enid:]
Is he gay or European?
Gay or European?
Gay or Euro-

[Emmett:]
Wait a minute
Give me a chance to crack this guy
I have an idea I'd like to try

[Callahan:]
The floor is yours

[Emmett:]
So, Mr Argitakos
This alleged affair with Ms.

Wyndham has been going on for...?

[Nikos:]
Two years

[Emmett:]
And your first name again is...?

[Nikos:]
Nikos

[Emmett:]
And your boyfriend's name is...?

[Nikos:]
Carlos
I-I, sorry!
I misunderstand!
You say "boyfriend"
I thought you say "best friend"
Carlos is my best friend

[Carlos:]
You bastard!
You lying bastard!
That's it, I no cover for you no more!
Peoples, I have a big announcement
This man is gay and European

[Ensemble:]
Whoa!

[Carlos:]
And neither is disgrace
You gotta stop your bein'
A completely closet case
It's me, not her he's seein'
No matter what he say
I swear he never, ever, ever swing the other way
You are so gay, you big parfait
You flaming one man cabaret

[Nikos:]
I'm straight!

[Carlos:]
You were not yesterday
So if I may, I'm proud to say
He's gay

[Ensemble:]
And European!

[Carlos:]
He's gay

[Ensemble:]
And European!

[Carlos:]
He's gay

[Ensemble:]
And European
And gay

[Nikos:]
Fine, okay, I'm gay

[Carlos/Ensemble:]
Hooray!

TikTok lip-syncs, drag brunch mash-ups, even law-school revues borrow the phrase whenever style outshines verdicts.

Fan and Media Reactions

Fifteen-plus years on, comment threads still ping-pong between laughter and love:

“I failed evidence class but can still rap every ‘chronically, ironically’ rhyme—priorities!” – 1L_Blunder

“Euro boyfriend just confessed he thought this was an actual pop song until the courtroom gavel dropped.” – PinkGavelGal

“Carlos kicking the door in?

Right there!
Look at that condescending smirk
Seen it on every guy at work
That is a metro, hetero jerk
That guy's not gay, I say, no way!

That is the elephant in the room

Well is it relevant to presume

That a hottie in that costume

Is automatically, radically

Ironically, chronically

Certainly, flirtingly

Genetically, medically

Gay!

Officially gay!

Officially gay, gay, gay, gay

Dammit!

Gay or European?

So stylish and relaxed

Is he gay or European?

I think his chest is waxed

But they bring their boys up different there

It's culturally diverse

It's not a fashion curse

If he wears a kilt or bears a purse

Gay or just exotic?

I still can't crack the code

Yet his accent is hypnotic

But his shoes are pointy toed

Huh

Gay or european?

So many shades of gray

But if he turns out straight I'm free at eight on Saturday

Is he gay or European?

Gay or European?

Gay or Euro-

Wait a minute!

Give me a chance to crack this guy

I have an idea I'd like to try

The floor is yours

So Mr.

Argitacos

This alleged affair with Ms. Windam has been going on for?

Two years

And your first name again is?

Nicos

And your boyfriend's name is?

Carlos

I'm sorry. Musically, each tune pairs bouncy, Sesame-Street optimism with lyrics that slip a critical scalpel under your ribs—making you laugh first and think hard second.

Questions and Answers

Why the obsession with socks, cologne, and pointy shoes?

The authors weaponise fashion clichés as quick visual evidence, turning everyday accessories into musical punchlines about identity assumptions.

Is the tune making fun of European culture?

It’s teasing American ignorance more than Europe itself; the characters toss Euro buzzwords when they’re too nervous to say “I might be wrong.”

Does the song text advance the plot or stall it for laughs?

Both.

queer, American vs. (In the film his boyfriend is Chuck.)

Realizing the slip, Nikos scrambles to backpedal.

Carlos, tired of the lie, outs their relationship and torpedoes Brooke’s supposed motive.

The courtroom gasps —

This man is gay and European!

— stunned he can be both. Right There!” dissects orientation myths across the witness stand.

Several studies even note gay men are in better physical shape than straight men; see Vox’s piece “Gay men are less likely to be obese — and 6 more facts about sexual orientation and health.”

An expatriate is simply someone living outside their home country.